An Open Letter to My Husband

Darling Husband,

I want to start off by saying I love you dearly and cannot imagine myself with anyone else. I appreciate your “assistance” in the kitchen but can no longer allow you to “help” me.

You are hearby banned from cooking in the kitchen. You are relegated to grill duties only.

You have bacon to blame. You heard me…BACON.

Don’t get me wrong. I like bacon. I love a good BLT on Texas Toast with Miracle Whip, freshly sliced tomatoes and crisp lettuce. But, I don’t like the mess the grease from bacon makes. Also, how you don’t clean up after cooking bacon.

Yes, you use the splatter screen. But that screen is a circle and the pan you cook bacon in is a rectangle. I didn’t know you as a toddler but I’m sure you were smart enough to know a circle will not fit in (or fully cover) a rectangle. Yes, I remind you each time to clean up your bacon grease splatter and each time you don’t do it. Yes, I know you are waiting on the stove to cool down but after 2 days, it’s ready to be cleaned. I know your mother taught you to clean up after yourself. I’ve asked her.

You are banned from cooking in the kitchen. Bacon is now banned from our house. Get your fix somewhere else. Cook it on your grill or go to someone else’s house to cook it. I will know if you cook bacon when I am not home. Don’t get The Boy involved. He is on my side no matter what he tells you.

Also, you are no longer allowed to “stir” the spaghetti sauce, macaroni or whatever else I have cooking. I have just done it and putting your little “stir” flair on it will not help it taste any better. It only annoys me and I think you know this. I read the directions. I know how to cook. Out, Out, OUT!

Will you pick up a pizza on the way home?

Love you!

**Readers, I’d show you a picture of my stove but…YUCKY YUCKY YUCK!**


  1. March 1, 2010 / 8:21 pm

    so funny!sounds very familiar to me.
    OT with what color tees or cardis do you wear your watercolor mini?

  2. March 1, 2010 / 8:31 pm


  3. March 1, 2010 / 8:33 pm


  4. March 1, 2010 / 8:36 pm

    ina – I've only worn it with a gray l/s tee and the plum v-neck over it but certainly any purple color should tone down the print some. Also, black, white, and light gray. I've tried it on with my Denim Perfect Shirt too.

  5. March 2, 2010 / 8:36 pm

    My boyfriend thought he was doing me a favor last Saturday by making me dinner (at MY apartment), but he left behind all of the dishes. ALL of them. The dishes he cooked with AND the dishes he ate with. And when I say "left behind" I mean "I asked him to clean them up before he disappeared for two weeks for Air Force training"… and he didn't touch them. Left dishes on the coffee table, left cooked (and now crusty) pasta in the strainer over a pot on the counter. UGH. NOT COOL.

  6. March 4, 2010 / 4:47 pm

    Oh girl do I have some news for you!! I felt the same way about bacon and then I learned the easiest and best new way to make it and the WHOLE fam is now smiling again:)

    Preheat the oven to 350 and lay bacon across a jelly roll pan (don't overlap.) Cook for several minutes turn over and cook a few more to you crisp liking and you are done. It doesn't even spray anywhere..not even in the oven! Good luck..he might be able to enjoy bacon in the house after all;)Oh and help in the kitchen…I cannot turn that down;)

  7. March 5, 2010 / 2:35 am

    Sweetsy – Thank you! I will certainly try that.