I want to start off by saying I love you dearly and cannot imagine myself with anyone else. I appreciate your “assistance” in the kitchen but can no longer allow you to “help” me.
You are hearby banned from cooking in the kitchen. You are relegated to grill duties only.
You have bacon to blame. You heard me…BACON.
Don’t get me wrong. I like bacon. I love a good BLT on Texas Toast with Miracle Whip, freshly sliced tomatoes and crisp lettuce. But, I don’t like the mess the grease from bacon makes. Also, how you don’t clean up after cooking bacon.
Yes, you use the splatter screen. But that screen is a circle and the pan you cook bacon in is a rectangle. I didn’t know you as a toddler but I’m sure you were smart enough to know a circle will not fit in (or fully cover) a rectangle. Yes, I remind you each time to clean up your bacon grease splatter and each time you don’t do it. Yes, I know you are waiting on the stove to cool down but after 2 days, it’s ready to be cleaned. I know your mother taught you to clean up after yourself. I’ve asked her.
You are banned from cooking in the kitchen. Bacon is now banned from our house. Get your fix somewhere else. Cook it on your grill or go to someone else’s house to cook it. I will know if you cook bacon when I am not home. Don’t get The Boy involved. He is on my side no matter what he tells you.
Also, you are no longer allowed to “stir” the spaghetti sauce, macaroni or whatever else I have cooking. I have just done it and putting your little “stir” flair on it will not help it taste any better. It only annoys me and I think you know this. I read the directions. I know how to cook. Out, Out, OUT!
Will you pick up a pizza on the way home?
**Readers, I’d show you a picture of my stove but…YUCKY YUCKY YUCK!**